Compositions of One Heart's Language

Her Heart's Journeys. Her Cups of Coffee. And The Underground Lines.

She enters that door. December 10, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — birdsonmyshouler @ 6:48 pm
Tags: , ,

She enters that door… 

Water, marked. Glasses, marked. Her books,marked. Yes, her coffee, marked. Midnights,granted. Time,unsure. Music,she heard from someone who told that someone that it’s granted too. Bible,needs. Oh don’t forget that toothbrush of yours said her mom. 

 

Here goes. 

Silence.

No wait, she hears Justin Bieber singing on some melodies on that ride across that sea that parted them. Was that all that played? Small boy Bieber singing? Depth,unknown. 

I wondered how she’d turn up entering that door..

(Can you imagine that moment Lucy enters the wardrobe passing winter coats to an unknown land?)… It felt like that to her. 

Her page was empty. She wrote nothing for the whole month. Afraid,well a little. Yes,afraid to write. To ponder even. 

“Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise.”.. Well, taken from Thomas Gray’s poem from a long time ago. 

She resulted herself in that,at first. Almost not wanting to know anything but taking steps, huge ones even expecting to be gay at it. Steps. Those steps.

Two month since. She’s hard. Hard as a rock. 

She relies on characteristics that make her strong. Her emotions are kept. Her thoughts,said to some but still kept in her brown leaf printed book or well, maybe just in her mind. Words,sometimes are meaningless. Said and forgotten. Not left imprinted on someone’s mind. Also why is she hard? Once again, emotions don’t mean much. Therefore, “ignore!”, she said. It would be better. Even when the sky drops, just ignore. Her mind told her that she wouldn’t be harmed in any possible way.

So the black framed thick glasses are on, she’ll continue working her way through this chapter of life, wanting and praying to be wise and smart with an awesome photographic memory. Hah,she laughs. Like that will happen. But she’ll try. Like thinking of the person named Ben and associating him with Big Ben,like the one in England. She’ll try. Shut up,don’t judge her. Just laugh along hey. 

She’s strong. She does wonder if emotions did mind for a second or two. Meeting new people is hard. The ‘meet’ is easy like a normal start to a drawing of a giraffe. The ‘-ing’ of the ‘meet’ is the continuation of the sketch of that giraffe. Also,will colours be added in. She’s not so much of a fun, all crazy hyper person. Sure quiet but a side to herself. Her stomach drops. Her heart gets heavy. Yup, the force of gravity pulling down on all possible emotions. Oh boy. This is gonna be a ride…. 

Thoughts flood in. She’s at her second page of her first new chapter. Still no giraffe sketches at sight. She’s met people. Beautiful people with amazing hearts. She still wonders how long could it possibly last. No doubt she misses what’s left behind that door, the one she entered in silence. Some giraffe drawings had been erased. Who knew eh? It was hard. But once again,she turns harder. Easy way out I say. She did it unknowingly. Oh did I mention that she’s been colouring some giraffes already? I’ve seen them,it’s getting prettier. 

She’s on a mission to finish that book. Entering every possible picture and adjective to describe herself and what she captures. Then here comes the load of work. She came into the door to fulfill her life’s purpose. As she calls it, ”The Will of God” for her life.. Hoping to suceed in the depth of major upcoming mental tension which we all know as stress.. See,now you know why she desires the photographic memory. She’s struggling, I can see it happen before my eyes. She’s walking on fine thread but I see someone holding that hand,hmmm. I guess she’ll be okay, I think. She’s holding on to the Hand that is somehow holding her. Well, you ask her Who is exactly holding her. 

Everyday is a journey. Passions ignited but somewhere along the line it died down. The sight of the blazing fire turns smokey. Ugh. She’s trying to get back on her feet, rekindling every part of the picture to cause the fire to burn again. She sings to Brooke Fraser’s songs now. You know what, I’ve got good news. Her walls that she had set before are slowly melting down. What fire does that? Hmmm. 

 

She’s looking back through that door. Question: To run back into the old or continue taking steps forward? 

 

Love. The pursuit of love.

Oh she’s smiles. Those three little big words are not ready to be said. 

She doesn’t understand it. Oh,well, she thinks she does. I write this and I know she doesn’t understand it. She wants to. This is gonna be long yet a good wait as she desires to be drenched in Proverbs 31. Yup,go read. 

Waiting. Yes. She decided. 

Still mistakes happen eh. 

Ohh mysteries. 

The wanting to be perfect in many ways flooded her thoughts. The need of it as she puts it. She wants to get things done perfect and well. Excellence, that desire even I want. 

It’s a whole new journey now for her. Her pages are flipping. It’s not gonna end, She knows it. Her Ultimate Love and Saviour guides her and she knows He’s there. Her pursuit of intimacy with her Love continues. She doesn’t know how but it continues. 

No the post doesn’t end her. I will continue to compose of what’s her life all about. Right now, we’ll say she’s still stuck but remember her Father, He’s carrying her through it with love. It’s Him. 

 

Advertisements
 

Some weird desire. July 4, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — birdsonmyshouler @ 3:08 pm

And there is this silent desire in me that wants to write, to be a writer.

 

I count it as a victory. July 2, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — birdsonmyshouler @ 10:14 pm
Tags:

Why run around in this emotion when you can tell it that victory is in your hands because of HIM? 

Why avoid even? 

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:57

Now isn’t this alone encouraging? 

Now I know who is in control. Who deserves more.

 

Thank you,dear Lord. 

A step closer.  

 

You,oh Lord make me smile. 

 

It would have been a lot easier. July 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — birdsonmyshouler @ 2:16 pm
Tags:

Yes.

It would have been all easier for you to turn into a glimpse.

Go on now, turn into a glimpse.

Image

Yeah,you will be a glimpse. But one day.

 

This far heart of mine.

Filed under: Uncategorized — birdsonmyshouler @ 12:52 pm

Why, I ask why?

I thought it was easy. No. I got that wrong. Ahh,sigh. This is very much frustrating. Deeply frustrating. 

I prayed. I asked God to remove this. I thought it was just a season. A season, a fast one definitely. Well,that’s what I wanted it to be. I don’t want to be one to those girls that did go through the same thing. 

Even the closest friend of mine could see it. She even knew how and why. And there you see, every girl sees it. This is difficult. 

Lets take it to a ‘profound’ level or let me be clear to myself:

“SELF,you are waiting for something that is never gonna happen! “

That just made me feel worse. Great.  

Only find love in the Lord. Only that love that can satisfy. 

I struggle. 

 

Choosing books. June 29, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — birdsonmyshouler @ 8:55 am
Tags:

And I will always look across those love books that I desire for. 

I will not trigger that emotion till it’s time.

Ahh,stills. Yeap,good news. This heart is stilled. Phew.

And yes,I will not linger in deep emotions, I will face them but not linger in them.. 

 

Surrendering. 

My pursuit of intimacy still continues. 

 

A proper blog post to come. 

 

 

Passively loud. June 7, 2012

Filed under: Oneof those nights.,The Heart Issue — birdsonmyshouler @ 3:15 pm
Tags:

Your piano skips a beat.

My heart expressed a spring.

Royalty playing with marbles.

How shall I end this deep within?

Oh You.

Slowly but surely you will turn to be a glimpse.

Goodbye.